jasmine tea w/a side of thoughts

I am at the Golden Roast...the only smoke free coffee house in knoxville. This coffee house saves all its used coffee grounds and donates them to this organic farm I used to help at on thursdays. The coffee is used to assist in the making of their dirt. aka compost.

Currently my heart is going out to a dear friend, Tuck, who is back at our shared home in East Africa. Even more my heart goes especially to those who do not yet have their language and stories written down or YHWH's scriptures in their tongue. I miss you brother Tuck, I miss working side-by-side with ya.

Maybe i 'm being broken for people our King cares for, or simply being realigned to His heart. Not sure...but then in life there are many uncertainties and the best we can do is to keep walking. My main uncertainty is this fear of becoming a graphic designer and film maker. Why? B/c it could become dry, it could become without purpose i.e. (jumping into the industry) designing game boards or making commercials, or it could become something I love and useful. Bottom line, as our business experts would put it, "fear" and "it could..." you paralyze me! Why do i become paralyzed at the two of you? Who knows, maybe they(if i may give life and purpose to them) are here to stop me from moving - keeping me from making a difference; keeping my voice silent; keeping those oppressed down, and without a voice. But currently my heart is still beating, my feet still working, my friends still supportive and loving, my family always backing me up, my creator always carrying out His purposes; so, my head rises and I will move. maybe SCAD, maybe Chicago, maybe San Diego here I come, fear back off, debt be still, and chance lets dance.

Great King, Heavenly Father, grant us discernment that we may pursue the right path for your Kingdom, grant us wisdom that we may represent You, grant us insight that we may share with others, and grant us understanding that we may not walk as fools.

steps toward encounter...

I'm siting at that coffee house again...but this time i'm on the front porch. It's peaceful. I'm seated four steps from the street on a plastic green chair, that seems to buckle under the pressure I put on it. Then there is this half white table, cut to fit along side the railing; this too wobbles but in my case that's probably just because of the weight my mind brings to the table. My mind sometimes is thinking so much that i can't simply enjoy what I'm doing or focus on what's before me. So that puts me here four steps up from the street on a green chair in front a white table to get focused before I go to church tonight.

Church is every sunday evening at 6. i like the service b/c it is one in which God is not forgotten about. The focal point of our service is the Lord and the climax is His Supper. There seems to be much reverence in these services. In spite of my brief fling with Our Lady (of the Greenwood Roman Catholic Church), it was from her (i use "her" as a play on the personification of "Our Lady" in the previous sentence) I first learned to encounter God with reverence. And encounter Him we did, with fear and silence. If true encounter can
co-exist with fear... Either way it was the ways of reverence she taught. My participation in the great community, that is the community church of Greenwood, taught me to approach the King with confidence. Now I'm here in Knoxville stilling my mind that I may encounter the Living God. And this encounter will be with stillness, reverence, and love. church is in 52 min with a group of fellow believers. i like the body of believers i am learning to associate with.

Naps in Denver

I'm in the Denver Airport. Just awoke from my nap of 1 hour by the ring of my cell phone. I rose with such excitement at the thought of Jared, Matt, Drew, Joker, Amy, Shera, or Lyndse at the other end. As I sat up I caught the eyes of a mom behind me. The smile of a mother does much to the lonely wonderer. Maybe it's a gift of connection with boys God passes upon women with sons. Maybe, maybe not; either way that smile and tender look in her eyes will forever be in my mind. The phone call was not of those grand people mentioned above, but pastor John from Uganda My heart nearly sank at the potential weight of selflessness that was about to be demanded of me. To the truth of my human nature I must say I've yet to master the arts of serving others. The talk was good and reminded me that there is great responsibility handed to me in Knoxville - the 'home' i've spent this past week escaping. The job at Compassion Coalition is over my head and about daily I want to walk away from it. But, I was bread for justice, created to be an advocate for truth and justice. To fight the systems of oppression by serving at the Compassion Coalition in Knoxville is my calling for now. The Son of Man shall have no place to rest his head, right? Or something along the lines of not having a home.The taste of childhood friends and security within that love is powerful. Nearly enough to move me to winterpark, FL.The week in Alsaka was nothing short of a gift. I haven't been with friends from home in years! The wedding was great...tears brewed in me yet the eye lids were able to contain them (or was just my pride..."men don't cry," right? false). Purity! That's that path i am walking now.

An evening w/out blue stars

Concert concert, what is a concert but sounds, lights, and relived moments of your old record deal...even if it existed only for a brief second in your head unknown to the world outside… after all aren't those the deals guaranteed to us all -the ones in our heads

But with the right person...the deal un-guaranteed to us all; yet strangely within grasp of all who fight past the fretful melodies of a Purfrock Love Song

what is a concert with you – a transformation of sounds, lights, and forgettable old dreams of record deals into a melody of delicate moments, acute connections, the sounds the lights
–exquisite.

Goodbye to you dear Purfrock’s melody! Not all are settling pillows turning to the window. And thank you dear wonderwall for the company of an angel to investigate with the playing of instraments by some cool kats for a brief moment or two or three…may we do such a thing again

walt whitman

if you tire. give me both burdens. and rest the chuff of your hand on my hip. and in due time you shall repay the same service to me for after we start we never lie by again

Please Help...

This is a drawing by a young
child in response to the prompt,

"Draw a picture of what your
life in Darfur is like."
--click here--

Reconciliation

Reconciliation, I walk in your closure. Wisdom, you are more valuable than rubies & a life-time of wages. Truth, you do set us free.

First Post Ever

Okay, so here I am on the band wagon...and it feels like I'm in a black leather chair (that just might be b/c I'm in a black leather chair). Either way after an intense search of sites blog appeared to fit the page design most appropriate to me so here I am.

I will post random thoughts even some writing. So no laughing at my writing, for I do write at random points in the day or when I escape to my spot in the city or mountains for a brief moment to let my brain unwind and all the emotion inside leak out my fingertips. So, I'll make a deal with you...I will be transparent and honest if you read and think about the journey my fragile words take you down. Deal? Deal.